Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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