apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
