I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
