It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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