8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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