people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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