Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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