You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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