Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
