'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
