somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
