New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
