literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
They took my balls.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Randomize
