The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
