i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
