You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
