I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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