I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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