Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize