I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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