please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
