yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
