I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
