im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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