Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
