yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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