I looked at my own cervix.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
