I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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