Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
