LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
