Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
