sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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