I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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