Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
