Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
