Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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