Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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