i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
