I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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