if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
