it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
