Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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