he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize