you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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