I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
