Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
