her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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