in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
