It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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