i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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