I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
