She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
