I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I need mimosas to revive my soul
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
