shes about as inviting as chlamydia
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
