If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
