capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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