Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
