i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
