So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
