Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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