pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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