Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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