dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
