So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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