I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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