I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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