There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize