Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You dont lie about slip and slides
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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