Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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