FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
