i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
