mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
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