you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
