i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
