I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
