thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
