I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
