Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
