I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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