When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
