How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We are all done wearing pants today
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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