saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
