Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
