I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
