My liver just broke up with me...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
