you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
