We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
