Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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