So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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