He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
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