take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
