If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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