I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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