apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
