so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
