so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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