i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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