The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
