i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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