Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
