Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
