tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
