So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
