How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
