Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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