I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
