question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
