Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
